The Dish by Darcie

There was so much hate mail about the service dog controversy article that I have removed it. I wasn’t the target of the hate mail, my skin isn’t that thick so I thank you all for that. The hate mail was targeted from readers to readers and at the person who asked the first questions which were the inspiration for the article.

After reading all of the mail, yes, I suffered through every one, I learned something. It’s not that people hate each other necessarily, although there were a few that said they did, it’s because each person has their own idea of what a Service Dog is and I have to face it, some people just don’t like dogs.

The thing I learned is that none of the people who sent hate mail were ready to give any ground on their own beliefs. They are set solidly in their ways and would not open the conversation and take the time to hear what anyone else had to say. Is that because they have pain and suffering of their own, too close to the issue to see any other opinion, or that they like to stand their ground to keep a fight going? Maybe all.

The most poignant of the replies were written by family members of those who have served in the military and who need Service Dogs. These replies were the hardest for me because many said they didn’t read the entire article, they couldn’t get past the negative comments that were listed about service dogs. There was so much pain in those letters, I wound up crying while I was reading them. Part of the reason I was crying was because the post wasn’t about why people shouldn’t have service dogs, it was about why they should.

The only way for all of us to learn anything about each other is to listen and talk.

There were a lot of people saying that they didn’t like dogs at all and don’t want to share their public lives with dogs, no matter the reason. I had to shake my head at those letters. Why are they reading my blog? It’s all about dogs!

The biggest complaint and the most hateful words, very strong language, were that “People are faking, pretending that their dog is a service dog so they can have it in public with them. That’s not fair to people who really need service dogs.” These comments were from both people who need Service Dogs and those who don’t need them. Some were from trainers who train service dogs.

I chose several emails and replied to them. My question was, “What difference does it make for you whether a person is with a Service Dog or  pet dog? If the dog is well behaved, how does that hurt you that it’s in public?” The answer I got from most was, “Because those people are lying. They put a vest on the dog making it look like the dog is a Service Dog but it’s not.” So my next question was, “If the dog is naked with no vest, or wearing a vest labeled ‘Pet Dog’, would that be okay with you? Then person would not be lying about the dog.” The replies were mostly, “No. If someone sees a dog with a vest on, they automatically think it’s a Service Dog when it’s not so no, that is not right. They are lying and I won’t accept that in my public life. A naked dog without a vest is a pet dog and should not be allowed in public shopping areas.”

Now for the other side of the controversy. People with pet dogs, not Service Dogs, replied to my question, “What would you like to see happen with the question of dogs, pet or Service Dogs, in public areas?” The replies were almost unanimous. “All well behaved dogs should be allowed in public areas, not just Service Dogs.”

I did get some extremely well written and well thought out letters from people with Service Dogs. Their problem with pet dogs being allowed in public were mostly about a specific incident that caused them a problem. One woman wrote that  a pet dog had “made a mess” in a grocery store and the manager said that no dogs would ever be allowed in again. It caused her a lot of grief and time to educate him about the rights of people who have Service Dogs. She says that manager now allows service dogs into the store but he doesn’t like it and treats her differently than he used to because she has a dog. The manager, in her words, “Looks like he’s just sucked on a lemon when we come into his store. He used to be very nice to us and even asked if he could pet my dog on occasion. He doesn’t do that any more.” My suggestion to her was to talk to the manager again, tell him her concerns and that if he continues down this road, she will speak to the owner of the business. If that does not remedy the manager’s attitude, don’t do business there any more. Manager’s are often ruled by their own attitudes. Owners like to see profits and often have ways of changing manager’s attitudes or changing managers. If anyone at my store ever treated you or anyone badly, I would have a heart to heart with them to find out what I could do to change their attitude. If it could not be changed for the better, that person would be looking for a new job.

Some of the letters likened pet dogs to people with guns. A “loose cannon” as some referred to it. I agree that dogs who are not well behaved in public and people who hurt other people should not get to share public space. I don’t think there is one person who would think that a dog pooping, tearing up displays, jumping on everyone, licking whatever they want, or people with guns or who toss obscenities around are welcome in our public life. But that’s already on the law books, it’s already a regulation. People get arrested for shooting people and disturbing the peace. Dogs who are acting badly are asked to leave. It’s nothing new.

So what really is the argument? Is it more that people don’t want other people “lying and faking” or is that we are stuck in our ways?

A Service Dog helping a person in public is by description, a well behaved dog trained to help a person to make their quality of life better. A well behaved pet dog along with it’s person whether it is trained to do something or not is also making the person’s quality of life better. That is one thing that almost everyone agreed with, “Dogs make our lives better.” What is the difference then? The disability?

I would like to see all dogs have a job to make our life of better quality. Although I don’t need a Service Dog, yet anyway, my Dancer was trained to help me. She took clothes out of the dryer, could pick up and bring anything to me, including a dropped credit card which I call her ‘card trick’, and she often calmed me when I was hurting. Was she considered a Service Dog? Maybe according to the regulations, she was. But because she didn’t work for a person with a disability, she would not have been accepted as a working Service Dog. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all hone our dog’s skills in public in case we ever become disabled? The only way to do that is to train them and get them out in public working with us.

Are there places we shouldn’t take our pet dogs? Yes, I think so. There are some places where there is only room for people and Service Dogs. There just isn’t enough room for everybody and their dogs so those of us who don’t have Service Dogs should respect that. For instance, there is a little coffee shop that I really like when I occasionally go for a cup. There isn’t enough room in there for everyone to take a dog along. It makes sense to me to use common sense and courtesy not to take up space from those who do need their Service Dog with them.

I don’t want to forget to mention all the wonderful email that came in for this article, too. There were many beautiful, thoughtful and caring comments from people who understood what the article was about, for both sides of the issue. I liked that so much.

All future comments to The Dish will be posted without further comment from me unless it comes to Ask Darcie. I’ll allow them as comments as they are written. Except for those that threaten to kill someone or their dogs or if I have to edit too many curse words, those I will delete, again without comment from me. Thanks. Darcie

Dear Darcie, I made a mistake and I just threw a shock collar into the trash. They didn’t call it a “shock collar”, they called it a “remote collar” and they gave me training tips and told me how to use it. I’ve read your blog for a long time, I know you don’t like mixing batteries with dogs. (I missed your fence jumping article, that would have been so much better than this, I read that today.) I feel so bad. My dog will not come to me any more. When I call her, she crouches down and keeps her legs rigid at four corners of her body. She cowers and shivers and shakes and pants. She won’t eat. The shock wasn’t that bad I didn’t think, I used it on myself, it was more like a vibration. The reason I used it was because she was jumping the fence. “They” said that one or two pushes of the button and she’d never do it again and “they” said she would not know it was me doing it to her. Well, they were right about her not wanting to jump the fence any more, she won’t even go into the back yard. How will I fix her now? I’m not the type of guy who cries very often but this did it for me. She’s broken and wants to sleep all the time. (Name withheld)

I know “They” and who they are and I still don’t know why they think they know so much. You might start telling everyone you know not to do what “They” say.

You and I talked for quite a while this morning. It’s been five days and she’s still the same. And yes, I know you are not the type of guy who would hurt a dog. Lots of people are easily lured into a “quick fix” with shock collars. You did a good thing by throwing the collar away and not passing it on to hurt another dog. You’re beating yourself up pretty bad right now, you don’t need me or anyone else to make it any worse for you. Your experience may help a lot of dogs. Thank you for bringing this story into the light of day and not hiding it. I promised I won’t post your name and I won’t.

Your girl is going to need some help to overcome her fear of the back yard, of her daily life, and you. Find your inner quiet place and forgive yourself. Find someone local to you who can help her. Only positive training and only someone who does not get frustrated or angry. Your girl is going to need all the good care and strength she can get. I’ve given you my short list, they will be good to you. You’re too far away for me to come and help but I know they’ll be able to help. It won’t be free.

You can start the process by yourself as if she was brand new to you. If I’d just adopted her, I would take her on a leash out walking for at least an hour and a half a couple of times a day, every day. Walk as if you’re in Heaven, walk as if you have no worries, walk as if you have no where to go but lots of energy to get there. This kind of walking is relaxed, it will not add to her anxiety. Walking will help her readjust her mind. When you come home, come into the backyard, then to the house. You’re giving her a different view of the house. You don’t have to do that every time but I think you’ll find that coming in from a different way may help her learn that the yard isn’t scary any more.

Read this and make your yard a fun place. You might get lucky and she’ll come out of it quickly. Some dogs never recover completely, it’s why I’m so against these types of collars. There are experts who ruin dogs with them. Those of us who aren’t experts can’t assume that we’ll do any better. Here’s the article I wrote some time ago Yard dogs, barking, jumping fence. I hope you find some help in here.

I would strongly recommend clicker training now. Go to www.sitstay.com and search for ‘clicker’. The Getting Started Clicking Kit is great. It’s the fastest way I know to help dogs get over their fears. A long time ago, a dog show judge in Houston, Texas scared the daylights out of our then young Tilli. The judge thought that Tilli was too big and wanted to measure her with a wicket. The judge called for her wicket and marched toward Tilli, the wicket held high over her head. For days, Tilli was terrified of women who looked like that judge and of anything over her head. It was a long few days for the rest of the show. I should have used my clicker at the show. I think I was so mad at the judge, me and everyone else who saw it happen, that my good judgement went out the window. I didn’t know then that a clicker could solve fear troubles. When I got home, I pulled out my clicker and in about seven minutes, Tilli was crawling under kitchen chairs and even let a woman hold an umbrella over her head. Fears can be resolved with positive training. Oh, by the way, that judge was known as “The Wicket Witch”.

Forgive yourself completely right now, right this minute. Share with other dog lovers, every one who will listen. You beating yourself up is not going to help your dog and might make things worse for her. It’s a new day. You can’t do anything about yesterday or even a minute ago. Then move forward believing that everything is going to be better. And then work to make it better. Darcie

I’ll be adding some really fun training tips to the SitStay.com Easy Training Tips Newsletter. So far and for the past fourteen years, people and their dogs have been doing really good with my tips. I try to make them easy and step by step so no one feels like they have to go to training school to get results.

When Bruno and Dancer were still living, they and Tilli loved to show off our training to anyone who wanted to watch. It was great fun for me, too. I’d ask the dogs to sit side by side at one end of the warehouse. I’d put a lovely, beautiful smelling pile of treats about halfway down the warehouse floor and point at it and say, “Mine”. Then I would go to the other end of the warehouse. I’d call the dogs one by one by name. Each would come in their turn to me and sit having made a wide berth around the pile of treats. They got pretty dramatic with avoiding the treats sometimes and our audience and I would wind up laughing. Sometimes I think the dogs did that just to get more giggles, they did like to show off. Then I would release only one dog to go back to eat the goodies. Applause all around. I sure do miss those days! It was quite a picture with three gorgeous Belgian Tervuren lined up side by side.

One of Dancer’s best tricks was “Come closer”. I’d call her to me and she’d come. Then I would say, “Come closer” and she’d move her body a little closer to me. Then in a softer voice I’d say, “Come closer” and she’d move even closer. I’d get down beside her, me on my knees. We’d keep it up until finally I’d be whispering very softly, “Come closer” and she would have her body pressed up as tight as she could to me with her face on mine. Another crowd pleaser.

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[Please share SitStay.com with everyone you know. The more sales we make this holiday season, the more we can donate to rescue!  There are a ton of dogs in the rescue system, they could sure use the extra help. Thanks, Everybody! Darcie]