The Dish by Darcy

Dear Lisa, The problems with “letting the dogs work it out by themselves” are many.

First of all, your puppy has needle sharp teeth and was learning she could pick on her family member without any interference, leading to being a bully for life with great big adult teeth and jaws. Second, dogs have emotions which can be damaged for life. Third but not last, stress kills.

Have you ever been forced to go to a birthday party for someone you didn’t like? Did you ever have to stay at your friend’s house and her brother picked on you the whole time? Did your siblings ever give you a hard time? Has anyone ever pinched you or pulled your hair and they wouldn’t quit when you told them to? Were you bullied in any manner, even verbally, in your school, ever? Did you ever feel like nobody cared that you were being hurt?

Parents who allow bullying are wrong. Your dog told you and the puppy that he doesn’t like the rough play and had to resort to being rough right back. It didn’t work for him because puppy didn’t know any better. Puppies will play rough and generally they will stop when they hurt somebody, it’s how they learn not to be rough. But not all puppies are made the same way, not any more than that kid’s brother who kept pulling your hair and pinching you will grow up to be a nice person without some intervention from someone.

If you don’t help your dogs understand manner and age appropriate play, you’ll have at least one unhappy dog. The other one may develop stress illness issues. Stress goes up for both dogs when they play or fight, and it doesn’t come down without a referee.

Take a crash course in physical, emotional, and mental stress. This could be where your dogs are headed without your total intervention. Take a few minutes in a late evening and watch some Ultimate Fighting (UFC) on TV. It can get pretty bloody so it’s not for everybody but it’s what I’m talking about. There are very few rules. The only difference between these guys and your dogs is, your older dog was forced into the ring. Watch their adrenalin start to climb. They don’t show pain when they get hit or kicked. Watch to the end of the fight, that’s where the stress really shows. Stress levels have gone up and will continue to go up until they make themselves do something to relax. The loser is quiet and emotionally drained, he will not sleep tonight for wondering what he could have done differently to win the fight. The winner is on the ropes and hyper active, his mind is in a place your puppy knows really well. The winner may not come down from that high for a day or two. You don’t have to watch two dogs fighting to get the picture, these human guys offer it to your of their own free will.

If you need something a little less graphic. If you’ve even competed in a very physical sport like karate, done public speaking, or been on stage in a play, you know what I’m talking about. It’s why cast parties last all night. Everyone is so high on stress that they can’t come down to rest. I’ve done all of these things, I know the feeling. It doesn’t matter that I can reason and your dog’s can’t do that the same way, stress affects us the same.

There is good stress and there is bad stress. Running and playing, having a good time. Good. Fighting and not having a good time. Bad. If you don’t know how or can’t relax in between high stress periods, you will have illness. It’s the same for your pup and your older dog.

It’s simply not worth trusting that “letting them work it out” will work.

You’re already seeing the benefit of keeping your pup off of your older dog. I have to think that they are both happier and more relaxed because of you.

When we bring dogs into our homes, their total welfare is our complete responsibility. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we learn as we go along and hope that we haven’t caused any permanent damage. I’ve always said that “My next dog will be perfect”. I get close but until I have complete control over everything they feel and how they process their world, it won’t happen. The best I can do is to keep everyone as safe and well fed as I can.

I’m glad to hear that you’re supervising the pup and spending good time alone with your older dog, too. I hope that your dogs do become friends. Respect for someone who treats you right is a great beginning to a long friendship. You’re doing the right things to see that it happens.

See my video on Bite Inhibition, your puppy should learn never to bite anybody, not humans and not even other dogs, not even in play.

If your older dog hasn’t told you yet, and I’ll bet he has, “Thank you so much!” — Darcie

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Dear Darcie, Help! I have 2 yellow labs, a 6 year old male and a 4 1/2 month old female. My older guy always seemed to get along well with other dogs and really enjoyed playing with them. So, I had this great idea to get him a companion and brought home my puppy thinking that they would be great company. Her idea of play is to jump on his back or shoulders and do some biting. He tolerated this when she was quite small(brought her home at 9 weeks), but he has long since tired of it. He’ll give her a sharp bark when he gets annoyed. If she persists, then he’ll chase her down, and roll her over, and even nibble on her. As soon as he walks away, she is back up, and at it again. After doing this several times, he’ll not only run her down, but nip her. Now, she is the one who is mad, and she’ll go after him with a vengeance. He has some back issues so I am afraid to let it get too out of hand, besides I would rather they not draw blood. He used to grab a toy large enough that they could both hold on to and distract her with that, but it no longer works. We have been walking together since the first day that I brought her home, up to 4 miles every day now over the course of 3 walks. I walk them together holding both leashes in the same hand, so they are side by side, with out any trouble. She gets fed in her crate because they both inhale their food as it is, and I don’t want it to get any worse. He has always eaten his food as fast as possible, even though he never had any competition. I started stepping in to keep her from jumping on him, but she doesn’t seem to get the drift. I don’t make a point of trying to make one of them dominant, I was just hoping that they would co-exist peacefully. Do you have any advice? Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Oooh, four miles a day for a pup that young may be too much. Puppies should get to engage in regular play but rigid or extended exercise can hurt their growing little bones. You might take both of them out on leash for the first half mile (twice a day) then take her back home, put her in her kennel, and spend time the rest of the four miles with your boy. They both need a lot of time alone anyway, this is a perfect time to give it to them. As your pup grows and her bones are getting stronger, increase her mileage.

Play has rules. No one should ever get hurt. And yes, no blood. Ever. Unless both sides agree that we’re going to be rough, we’re not. One or the other will ask to stop the play when it gets beyond what’s comfortable for them. Your old boy has asked the puppy to stop and the pup isn’t listening to him. You have to be the ref. Just because puppies like to play and jump on other dogs doesn’t mean that they get to. Especially not with an older dog who doesn’t want to play all the time. When was the last time you let some little kid jump all over you when you were sitting on the couch, pulling your hair, biting at your neck? You said no, I don’t want to play right now but they wouldn’t quit. It hurts and it’s obnoxious. Mother, come and get your kid off of me!

Your poor old boy is begging somebody to stop that pup from jumping on him.

Play between dogs should always be supervised at least until they are grown and you know how they play together. Teach your pup now how to play and when to quit and your dogs will be good friends as adults. At our house we say, “Enough” or “That’ll do” or “All right, guys, that’s enough wrestling for now”. Or even, if you like, “No wrestling in the house.”

Let your older boy initiate the play. Let them play for five minutes then stop the action. If he still wants to play, let them go for another two.

“Enough” is a word that dogs do understand. Don’t let your pup jump on your older dog, step between them, facing the puppy and say, “Enough” or “Oh, no, we don’t jump on big brother.” “Here’s a toy, go play with that.” Don’t use your hands. DO NOT HOLD A LEASH TIGHT, EVER! Simply guard the older dog with your body, like a hockey player, don’t let the pup through to him. When she backs off, lays down, or turns her attention to something else, praise her. Sometimes you might even say, “Hey, Puppy, I’ll play with you. Come on. Let’s play a game.” The older dog may want to join in and that’s okay as long as you keep puppy off of him.

You should be part of their games, if not as a player, then as a supervisor, all the time, until your pup is at least one year old, for your breed it may take longer. Labs are often considered babies until they are about three years old.

You start all games, you end all games. You bring the tug to the middle and have them play tug. You break up rough play. You set the rules. Let them play for five minutes, stop the game. Your old boy will start giving you signals when he’s had enough. Don’t let it get that far. He should never have to bite, chase, or growl at the pup to protect himself and get her to stop it and leave him alone.

Don’t yell or spank or get frustrated. Trust yourself. You can do this. Your dogs will do what you want them to do. Make it normal, “That’s the way it is at our house. You guys don’t get to play rough without my blessing.”

When you play outside, energy is high. That’s good. Still, unless you tell puppy she can jump and bite on him, she cannot. Dogs do play rough. That’s okay if they are both liking it. The crucial thing is that they stop when you say so. If she doesn’t want to slow down or stay off of him, remember that you have a leash, you have complete control. Divert her attention to play with you or a toy. It’s much easier now to control and teach her fair play than it will be in another two months. If she needs to run and play off some steam, put him back in the house for a rest and take her off leash. Play.

Make sure that both dogs get time alone with you and time away from each other every day. Your puppy needs regular naps. A crate is the best place to take a nap for a puppy. “Kennel. Time for a nap.” Close the door and walk away. Give her a few hours. She’s a growing girl and needs her zzzzs. Your old dog will love her naps times, it may be the only time he gets to really rest. He will love that you have finally stepped in as a Mom should and you’re not letting her aggravate him any more.

Puppies are fun but they do not get the run of the house or the run of anybody else who lives there. Start now and you will have a lovely, well mannered dog when she’s grown.

Feed them together in a place you want them to eat. If he starts for her dish, step between him and her dish. “That’s not yours. Leave it.” Another phrase that dogs understand. Never allow guarding of dishes or toys. You should be able to pick up a bowl or a toy any time, any where.

The words you say don’t matter nearly as much as the body language message you are conveying to your dogs. Speak with your body. I like to add words so I can eventually tell them something from across the room and they’ll do it.

Puppies until they are about one year old should be: 1. On a tether to you or someone else in the house (search at SitStay.com for the Buddy System). 2. Inside their crate or small exercise or play pen. 3. Completely supervised even when off leash. That’s one of three things: Attached to you, in the crate, or completely supervised indoors and out.

Remember, please, to pet and love on your dogs daily when they are doing something you like, like playing fair and resting quietly.

Everything in your life is yours. The dogs just get to share it with you. You say when. You say where. And you say with what. Dogs understand that.

Find your puppy a playmate in the neighborhood and make a regular date to play. Somebody closer to her own size, age, and energy level. You still have to supervise the play and stop it before it gets too rough. Nobody likes to play with a bully.

Don’t be a bully to your dogs but do make it clear that it’s your house and what you say goes. When dogs are well fed, well rested, and know the rules, they will play better with each other. It’s all up to you how your house goes.

Darcie