The Dish by Darcy

Dear Darcie, I am frustrated with my dog. I haven’t written to you before, I placed an order at SitStay.com today for the getting started clicker training kit. I hope that helps me. My problem. I get so frustrated because no matter how I try to train my dog to do anything, he won’t. He’s a nice dog and as long as I don’t ask him to do anything, we get along fine. I’ve been reading your blog so I know you’re against Cesar Millan but I did try some of the holds and choking that he showed me on his show to get my dog to pay attention to me and make me the pack leader but it didn’t work. Do you have any words of wisdom for me? Jeff

Dear Jeff,

First of all, I’m not against Cesar Millan and he didn’t tell you to hold down or choke your dog. He told you not to do it, over and over and over and over on his show. Didn’t you see the pop up warnings all through the show?

For the record, I’ve recently seen Cesar working with positive trainers who use treats and clicker training. I like that he’s learning a more positive way to deal with normal dog behaviors (non aggressive) and it pleases me very, very much. Please read my posts about Cesar again. I am against the actions of choking, stressing, jerking, over exercising, and hanging of dogs. People who watch the show are using those methods they see on the show on their perfectly normal dogs, just like you did. The warnings and disclaimers are in bold print all through the show pleading with you not to do it at home. If Cesar thought a regular normal person without years of training experience could do what he does, he would tell you to use his methods daily. He doesn’t. He warns you against it.

Your sweet dog will be so happy when you start clicker training with him. You will open the channels of communication between the two of you and if you use gentle positive training, he will do anything you want simply because he understands what you want. If you are fair with him and patient so he knows what you’re teaching him, you are in for a wonderful surprise with clicker training.

The first thing a good dog trainer does is to find a way to communicate with that particular dog. Think about it like this, if you traveled to another planet and there was life on it, how would you communicate with the beings there? If you are lucky, the first being you meet will be a peace loving being. That being will find a way to communicate with you. Let’s name this being who is alien to you so it’s easier for me to talk about. Actually, you would be the alien but let’s do this way anyway. Let’s call him…Alien (pronounced Allen on his planet).

Alien eats food for sustenance (doesn’t matter what kind of food, you’re going to like it). Alien finds that you have been left behind when your space ship buddies couldn’t reach you on your cell phone (can you hear me now?) before they flew away so you’re sort of a rescue, left behind by somebody, and you’re in a whole new world. Alien says to you, “Isd astro, wehaer terh maers? Dsfdi serhaby sflear sryo aaerne dae? Ime noear srera to ere havr yse. Comerre.” What the heck does that mean? Exactly! You don’t know what that means. Is he asking you to do something? What?

Alien hasn’t shot you with his laser ray yet and he hasn’t taken you by the head or the scruff of your neck and pinned you to the ground for not complying with his wishes so maybe he’s a peaceful sort and means you no harm. That’s good news. You were a little nervous about that at first. I mean, he’s much bigger than you and he looks a lot different.

Alien decides quickly that you do not speak his language because you have not replied to his questions. He said, “Hey boy, what’s the matter? Did somebody leave you here all alone? I’m not going to hurt you. Are you hungry? Come home with me, I have more food there.” He’s sees that you are tired and hungry. How does he get you to go home with him so he can feed you, talk to you, give you a quiet place to rest, and maybe make a friend of you so you can go do things together?

Alien shows you some of his food. You sniff it. Oh, that smells good. You eat it. Alien makes a “click” sound the instant you put it into your mouth. He shows you another bit of food. You take it, he makes a click sound the instant you put it into your mouth. You’re not sure where this is going yet but it seems pretty safe. The food is good. So far, it’s working out in your favor. It must be that when he “clicks”, you’ve done what he wants because he rewards you for it. You’re ready to try the same thing again.

Alien shows you another bit of food, when you sniff it, he steps back a step. You follow the food, he clicks and gives you the food, you eat it. He does it again and you follow. He does it again and maybe says, “Comerre”, which means “come” in his language. After a few more tries of this and you’re going to him for the food, you realize something. Hey! I go to him and he gives me food. I know that “Comerre” must mean come to him. Now Alien knows that you know what “Comerre” means, too, so he stops clicking you for every time you come to him. You still come to him when he says “Comerre” because you have learned that is what he is asking of you. Communication is open between you. Now you know a new word in another language.

When you follow him home and you work together to learn his language, you’ll learn words like “sit”, “down”, “roll over”, “pick that up”, “give”, “take”, “eat”, “don’t eat my shoes, they aren’t food”, “do you need a tummy rub, roll over”, “dinner time”, “I love you, Jeff”. You’ll have learned his name too, and the names of all the beings who live in his house. They are very nice, too. And he will learn your words or body language, too. “I have to go pee”, “I am hungry”, “someone is coming”, “I’m scared”, “thank you”, “thanks for saving my life”, “let’s play ball”, “I love you, Alien”. You will both be well on your way to understanding the basics of life with each other. You may never learn the complete language or he yours but that doesn’t matter. When Alien says, “Hey, Jeff, let’s go play ball!” you’re going to be right behind him.

My words of wisdom are:

Stop trying to act like a tough “dominate”, “alpha” dog. You are not a dog. Your dog knows that you are not a dog. Forcing your dog down because he won’t listen to you causes fear of you and your hands. And it’s disrespectful. I can just hear your dog yelling at you, “What did you do that for? What do you want me to do? I don’t know what you want of me!” Think of the fear you would have felt if Alien had said words to you then taken you down by your neck and pinned you to the ground. Cesar wasn’t teaching you to gain your dog’s respect, he was showing you how he controls over the top aggressive dogs. That is not your dog by a long shot.

Eat some protein before you work with your dog: a hard boiled egg, a piece of meat, a peanut butter sandwich, a bowl of beans, a bowl of oatmeal. Being hungry is the fastest way to being frustrated. Protein keeps your brain working evenly on all cylinders, it lasts longer than candy or cereal and will help you stay focused during your training session.

Your dog should not be over tired or hungry, either. Dogs learn fastest and best when they have good energy.

Be patient with your dog and with yourself. If you make a mistake, keep right on going. Laugh. Have fun. Training can be so much fun when you know that it doesn’t all have to be done in a day.

Listen to your dog. Watch what he is saying to you.

Keep your training sessions short, maybe five minutes several times a day at the start. Then fifteen minutes. Once your dog knows something, leave that and try it again another day. Do something else.

Feed your dog every meal by hand to get his trust back. Never hurt him again.

Read every dog book on behavior of dogs and body language that you can, we have some great DVDs on the subjects. It’s okay to watch the TV, there’s a lot of good stuff there. Use your common sense, put yourself back on that planet as your dog. Weed out the rough stuff, there’s no need for it. There’s a lot of bad information online and in some books. Check out our library at SitStay.com , you’ll learn more about communicating with your dog.

When you get your SitStay’s Getting Started Clicker Training Kit, read and watch everything before you start. It works so fast and so well that you can create bad bahavior as quickly as good behavior. Know how to play the game before you start the game. And don’t be afraid. It’s as easy as working with Allen…I mean Alien.

I wonder if he’s going to let you get up on the couch.